Record of Unexpected Wanderings: August 2007

Record of Unexpected Wanderings

Every lifetime is a journey. Every collection of details begs to be recorded transmitted and expressed out into the world. Every one of us has our own personal movie that we are directing, shaping, and starring in. How do we see our movie, how important are these events, and how do they shape us? This blog is meant to answer these questions and to record the episodes that I will someday pull together into a movie. A book. A memoir. Creation is all that matters. Life is art.

Friday, August 31, 2007

snap out of it.. you asked for it.

he told me to snap out of it and i crashed my bike on my way home that night. they told me to be careful, and i said, ok, ok... but i still crashed and now i have a gimp leg. i can't move. its the most frustrating thing in the world. and all i can think as i sit here, in pain, in imobilised nothingness, in this frustrated fury at my lack of ability to do anything without completely exhausting myself is that hey, i asked for it.

i thought to myself at one point through this that there must be something about dying that i romanticise, or enjoy. its a fucked up thought to think. today is day 4 after surgery, and the 2 week anniversery of my accident. i have 6 more weeks of this, or 12 if i continue smoking despite my promise not to.

maybe i can write out this madness. these obvious issues. so much frustration, so constantly, and for what?

really. for what.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

issues

i want to write, i want to write, and i can't seem to ever get around to it. i don't want to write i don't want to record this chaos, this madness, this incredible restless inner gnawing crap i deal with on a day to day basis and still.... and still and still i think but write it anyway

so my broken leg has me in bed thinking a lot, as if i didn't do enough of this already, now i have some time to "think about my life". what's good is that i've had some time away from the devils breath that makes life just not matter, which makes me just not care about anything. it made me funny, and made nothing important really. just getting up and finding the next pillar of truth, of inner realisation which could be anything really, even as simply as wow look at the way i squashed that bug right there.

the door to my patio is broken. i've had an interesting time. from the spill in the garage, to waiting for rescue to smoking a bowl then going to sleep then ER all day next now my elevated and constantly iced knee is crying here at 3 am just simply crying out in pain -- and its a pain that reflects something amiss on the inside. something is seriously amiss, on the inside of me.

this is a big problem see..

About Me

Name: sheloves

Location: New York, NY, United States

I like where the wind takes me. I rode on the back of a motorcycle last night with my arms stretched out wide. I think it's important to exercise being present from moment to moment.. you will never have this one back again, so as a result I spend all my time in my moment memorizing it all, the details, the events that brought me here, what it evokes, where am I transported to as a result of all these thoughts till finally, bubbling to the surface, spilling over the pot, some of my stories finally find their way here, or on coffee shop napkins, or segments started in 3 different notebooks. The word.doc folder of poetry on my now dead laptop. one of these day though, you watch it all come together into something I'll call art. And everyone will coo and call about how fanfuckingtastic it is, and how talented I am.