i wonder if anyone else feels this precarious balance i seem to accept as a part of daily life, like brushing your teeth, or taking a shower, check it off the list of the day.. things to do: existential crisis of self.

it comes in many forms. the slight headache that i'm only half aware of. the sudden violent desire to take the clock in my house that tick tocks maddeningly in my bathroom and slam it into a brick wall so hard that it splits out into a million splintered pieces. the time standstill decision of what to eat for lunch, the everyday madness called where did i put my keys. really, where has the year gone? i can't tell you. only that i've watched it simply fly.

don't get me wrong. it feels like nothing is amiss, i'm just living my life... then a sharp stab in the consciousness shakes you awake - the silent scream of something wrong. i know i don't have to figure it all out right now, but i'm fighting this strange urge to ignore all of it until its too big not to. but i've lost my voice, and my body is having an allergic reaction to something i've done or not done recently. it become simply too much.