last ditch effort
so--
my big seduction, the tiger has left for his cave of silence. there are messages everywhere, to give up, and as luck would have it, our sassy is a fighter, a stubborn one, who so entranced by romantic notions of love still holds stubbornly to the olive branch of hope praying for a swift end to troubled waters, so that the greatest love she has glimpsed can manifest itself as it so rightly deserves to be in a world of justice and love.
over the last few weeks my mind has been spinning in circles. i have seen the seduction clearly. i have seen the hopelessness clearly. ive been angry. ive been resolute. i've been analytical. ive been exuberant. ive been wildly optimistic, and ive had a tearing sadness, all pass through me with equal intensity. he has a powerful effect on me, and thats the extent of what i know.
based on the laws of seduction, i need to somehow instigate a pursuit. he has not pursued me and there are multiple speculations on why.. these include his circumstances, the idea that i haven't given him the chance, the idea that he may be disingenuine in his expressive desire and affectedness for me, who knows, its anybody's guess.
plan after plan keeps unwinding in my mind, based on what i know of him, and thats a lot. what touches him, what stirs him. i wouldn't say that the seduction has been unsuccessful at all, it has been amazing given the circumstances, but it hasn't hit its mark quite either.
yet, the situation terribly is complex and i feel im at a fork. two choices, to wait, or to walk away. ive been waiting, if i knew it would lead somewhere i would continue to, but i do not have any idea if it will. i would walk away, but my heart is making this very difficult.
i sent a text on friday afternoon. it said darling, i have business with you on monday, be ready.
the stage is set for a massive spectacle. drastic measures. many words experiences, dreams conversations have been exchanged between us, much energy, a great amount of intense time. often it feels like there is nothing but this left to do.
as it stands the plan is to show up on his doorstep, where i have been taken many times, where i know he hides out. at that point, im still unclear. it could be a now or never conversation. it could be a symbolic gesture. it could be a declaration of love, it could be a fierce interrupt. a farewell on my part. whatever i do will either be very bad, or very good.
i may be losing my mind. i say that completely deadpan because it doesn't feel like that but in spurts. i feel fine, like its just another seduction. but the biggest one. the most valuable one. the most hopeless one and the most story worthy one. the one i want. the hunt excites me, its true. i often can't help it.
regardless, im at the turning point.
and i can't leave or let him leave me without a goodbye.
my big seduction, the tiger has left for his cave of silence. there are messages everywhere, to give up, and as luck would have it, our sassy is a fighter, a stubborn one, who so entranced by romantic notions of love still holds stubbornly to the olive branch of hope praying for a swift end to troubled waters, so that the greatest love she has glimpsed can manifest itself as it so rightly deserves to be in a world of justice and love.
over the last few weeks my mind has been spinning in circles. i have seen the seduction clearly. i have seen the hopelessness clearly. ive been angry. ive been resolute. i've been analytical. ive been exuberant. ive been wildly optimistic, and ive had a tearing sadness, all pass through me with equal intensity. he has a powerful effect on me, and thats the extent of what i know.
based on the laws of seduction, i need to somehow instigate a pursuit. he has not pursued me and there are multiple speculations on why.. these include his circumstances, the idea that i haven't given him the chance, the idea that he may be disingenuine in his expressive desire and affectedness for me, who knows, its anybody's guess.
plan after plan keeps unwinding in my mind, based on what i know of him, and thats a lot. what touches him, what stirs him. i wouldn't say that the seduction has been unsuccessful at all, it has been amazing given the circumstances, but it hasn't hit its mark quite either.
yet, the situation terribly is complex and i feel im at a fork. two choices, to wait, or to walk away. ive been waiting, if i knew it would lead somewhere i would continue to, but i do not have any idea if it will. i would walk away, but my heart is making this very difficult.
i sent a text on friday afternoon. it said darling, i have business with you on monday, be ready.
the stage is set for a massive spectacle. drastic measures. many words experiences, dreams conversations have been exchanged between us, much energy, a great amount of intense time. often it feels like there is nothing but this left to do.
as it stands the plan is to show up on his doorstep, where i have been taken many times, where i know he hides out. at that point, im still unclear. it could be a now or never conversation. it could be a symbolic gesture. it could be a declaration of love, it could be a fierce interrupt. a farewell on my part. whatever i do will either be very bad, or very good.
i may be losing my mind. i say that completely deadpan because it doesn't feel like that but in spurts. i feel fine, like its just another seduction. but the biggest one. the most valuable one. the most hopeless one and the most story worthy one. the one i want. the hunt excites me, its true. i often can't help it.
regardless, im at the turning point.
and i can't leave or let him leave me without a goodbye.
posted by sheloves at 7:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home