reseduction of the tiger.
synopsis, tiger = big arse seduction that essentially brought me to seducers world, the big one, dissappears for 6 months we have a sit down and very fast quickly he is now back in my life. big successful seductive night two nights ago i grab sex, and now two days later we meet for fireworks.
the time tonight was interesting and now im processing. at this point i am dealing with some interesting factors, information, conversations, blah blah blah and i need some help looking at this picking it apart and setting it up clearly in my mind.
so he calls on time then called on his way and when he came to my house, im running around, cleaning. i go to take a shower. come out in my towel to an adoring passionate kiss.
he loves my music thats playing. seems happy. wants persian food. we go pick it up, people are heading to my house, he has an amazing appetite, can't believe it, because he normally doesn't eat a thing, but today, past few days, he has this amazing appetite. this seems important to note. i say yes, you are coming back to life. he asks me to wear the same short sexy shorts from the other night. i do.
plans with friends are scattered. one friend in particular comes by, the best friend type but shes a little new in my life. energy is a little muddled for it. she doesn't exactly approve of this, him, blah blah, and is pouty. i wonder if maybe she is jealous? not sure. he gets stir crazy at my place and we leave, all together, head to meet others out, a pool hall. neither of us want to be there, so we take off for the mall, for fireworks alone. will meet you there. all of this is a little rocky, i don't want to piss off the friend but i can tell i need to get him away from this environment, and soon.
so the conversation on the way im not happy with talked of the sex a little but he wasn't ready as id said, before, and he says it again here to me. i am not sure if this was the time for a conversation on that -- didnt get far with it, and don't know what the point was. i think i felt it was important to explain why i needed to sleep with him. im feeling this was unecessary. he hushes the conversation. don't speak of it he says..
so resistance to this conversation. i left turn, i talk of fantasies, want to know them, but he keeps them too, saying instead many things about (extreme) kink and love relationships, the dangers of mixing the two, the down fall of it. also that he needs to really trust me to tell me.. i share something of mine, its hot but covert, nothing shocking really, but highly erotic..
a moment here, he looks at me and says have you ever been in love? and i look at him, the only person ive ever felt in love with and stare blankly back.. waiting, and say, i dont know. what is it like? and he says.. you know. there is no question..
got to the fireworks, its beautiful with just him. we find a spot to sit, right in the middle. significant because a conversation some time ago (two days ago feels like years ago) about his favorite spot in the movie theatre, (and mine too) right in the middle. we sit. and then the friends im suppose to meet up with we see, and so i need to talk to them. i go. he tells me to wave and he will come over there. but we have a very good spot so i somehow bring them over to us. managing a balance here, a very hard balance friends and him. in a big party ok. in a smaller group, complicated. basically time alone = good, time with them and him, energy a little off. im divided focus.
he asks me how i managed to bring them over, and i say i can talk anyone into anything. and he says pssh yeah. i know. you proved that two nights ago. i am not sure what to say to this. what should i say to something like this?
i really enjoyed the time, the fireworks were beautiful. at one point i issued this interesting monologue to him about fire, the fire of us, fire of this world. during the fireworks i say, leaning over, its really simple
look at that fire
fire (pointing at the fireworks.) fire (pointing at the cannon shooting it) fire (pointing at the sailing fire bombs)
see youre a fire sign and im a fire sign
this is fire.
you and i? fire.
life is fire
this world
fire.
and he nods. what about the rest, he asks. i say the rest is not important. this is all that is important. i think he likes when i do this sort of thing. then there is very impressiive things they do with these fireworks. and at one point there is a lion face i see. i say oh my gosh, a lion. then another .. then oh is his face! a lion.. then i look at him, lean in and say ...you are a lion. he grabs me and i get a tight hug, a kiss.
ok so into the fireworks things off a little. around the friends during the fireworks i want more affection he is with himself. i try to stand solid, mimick his posture, like panther's nlp advice. as soon as they end he makes to leave soon, like now. if i want to pace, i should stay with my friends. we'll say good bye. he would love the company but needs to get in the car to go as soon as he gets there. im bad, i linger at that point. a choice again. there is hesitation in the choice. im famous for taking forever to decide things too. i see my self hesitating and stoppit. make the choice, i walk him back, tell friends i will meet them back at my building. a few live there.
as we leave, there are huge crowds. i tell him im good at busting through them but he has to keep a hold on my hand. he does and we dodge through people. i use my voice and energy making paths, leading him through quickly.
the walk back on track. its good when he talks more than i. he gets it all out i think. he talks more about the ex. where it started, how it started and how she slowly brought him away from what was important to him. i listen to all of this very attentively.
he is talking very fast. very excitable. "this is where i was in my life. at 23. top of the world. here and here and here and all of these things. and then she was there, everywhere. and i liked it. and then i say this and that and we move here. and then it became too much and i wanted to disengage and then she got pregnant. and i had this choice. i could be like my father, who was never there or i could take responsibility.. "
more:
"see basically im not impressed. im not impressed with these 14 years. im not impressed with my morals. im not impressed with my choices. and im trying to talk myself into the fact that the universe took me and is having all of this happen to put me in the right place, to put me back into what is important."
he talks a lot about freedom, how i have the freedom to go anywhere any time and still don't choose to, while he thinks everyday of all the things keeping him from doing this.
also that he doesn't know who he is anymore. yes you do i say and he says yes, i do but i don't know how to get there, where i need to be, and i say, its called sassy. he laughs at this.
we get close to my neighbor hood, he is turned around, i say this way he thinks that, i say ok, we will go that way and we do before he realizes where he is and heads back the right way. i am laughing the whole time..
so looking forward, court is tomorrow. this has made him a little jittery throughout the day. i don't dilly dally at the car, i get a lovely beautiful gorgeous kiss good bye, i say thank you, he stops and says no thank you so much for this, it was wonderful, and i leave him with two things, tasks. an email after the trial, if he has a moment, tell me what the result was. a little thing, not hard to do. he agrees.
and this thing about dinner, he is supposed to cook for me on thursday, it will probably be at his house. i tell him to call me on thursday. thats it. no commitment to do it, whatever, just call and let me know the deal. when i tapped on it earlier he says something about how he needs to get past ironing his shirt and picking out clothes for the trial, he is too focused on that to think beyond it... i don't press on this.
a part of me wonders if i should put off the dinner thursday evening. a part of me is exhausted at all this exposure. its again every other day like before. lots of information to process like before. just don't want things to end up like before. im out of town this weekend though and so after thursday nothing till next week. a thought. good bad idea?
but today, two days ago, i told him to call by noon so that i could set my plans up, and he did. he also called again about 20 minutes away. he has been behaving well. nothing he has said he would do has he flaked on.
there is a lot of information circling. im in deep analyzation of it all and somewhat immersed in this water. like up to my eyes. i need clarity of vision if i am going to keep the kernal turning. i think im doing ok, but i don't want to let anything slip too much or too long. writing this all out is also tremendous but i need to stay focused.
i need game plan for the weeks ahead, if there are to be weeks ahead. think seduction sassygirl.. resistance, circumstance psyche everything. i need to see perspective external from my own eyes.
the time tonight was interesting and now im processing. at this point i am dealing with some interesting factors, information, conversations, blah blah blah and i need some help looking at this picking it apart and setting it up clearly in my mind.
so he calls on time then called on his way and when he came to my house, im running around, cleaning. i go to take a shower. come out in my towel to an adoring passionate kiss.
he loves my music thats playing. seems happy. wants persian food. we go pick it up, people are heading to my house, he has an amazing appetite, can't believe it, because he normally doesn't eat a thing, but today, past few days, he has this amazing appetite. this seems important to note. i say yes, you are coming back to life. he asks me to wear the same short sexy shorts from the other night. i do.
plans with friends are scattered. one friend in particular comes by, the best friend type but shes a little new in my life. energy is a little muddled for it. she doesn't exactly approve of this, him, blah blah, and is pouty. i wonder if maybe she is jealous? not sure. he gets stir crazy at my place and we leave, all together, head to meet others out, a pool hall. neither of us want to be there, so we take off for the mall, for fireworks alone. will meet you there. all of this is a little rocky, i don't want to piss off the friend but i can tell i need to get him away from this environment, and soon.
so the conversation on the way im not happy with talked of the sex a little but he wasn't ready as id said, before, and he says it again here to me. i am not sure if this was the time for a conversation on that -- didnt get far with it, and don't know what the point was. i think i felt it was important to explain why i needed to sleep with him. im feeling this was unecessary. he hushes the conversation. don't speak of it he says..
so resistance to this conversation. i left turn, i talk of fantasies, want to know them, but he keeps them too, saying instead many things about (extreme) kink and love relationships, the dangers of mixing the two, the down fall of it. also that he needs to really trust me to tell me.. i share something of mine, its hot but covert, nothing shocking really, but highly erotic..
a moment here, he looks at me and says have you ever been in love? and i look at him, the only person ive ever felt in love with and stare blankly back.. waiting, and say, i dont know. what is it like? and he says.. you know. there is no question..
got to the fireworks, its beautiful with just him. we find a spot to sit, right in the middle. significant because a conversation some time ago (two days ago feels like years ago) about his favorite spot in the movie theatre, (and mine too) right in the middle. we sit. and then the friends im suppose to meet up with we see, and so i need to talk to them. i go. he tells me to wave and he will come over there. but we have a very good spot so i somehow bring them over to us. managing a balance here, a very hard balance friends and him. in a big party ok. in a smaller group, complicated. basically time alone = good, time with them and him, energy a little off. im divided focus.
he asks me how i managed to bring them over, and i say i can talk anyone into anything. and he says pssh yeah. i know. you proved that two nights ago. i am not sure what to say to this. what should i say to something like this?
i really enjoyed the time, the fireworks were beautiful. at one point i issued this interesting monologue to him about fire, the fire of us, fire of this world. during the fireworks i say, leaning over, its really simple
look at that fire
fire (pointing at the fireworks.) fire (pointing at the cannon shooting it) fire (pointing at the sailing fire bombs)
see youre a fire sign and im a fire sign
this is fire.
you and i? fire.
life is fire
this world
fire.
and he nods. what about the rest, he asks. i say the rest is not important. this is all that is important. i think he likes when i do this sort of thing. then there is very impressiive things they do with these fireworks. and at one point there is a lion face i see. i say oh my gosh, a lion. then another .. then oh is his face! a lion.. then i look at him, lean in and say ...you are a lion. he grabs me and i get a tight hug, a kiss.
ok so into the fireworks things off a little. around the friends during the fireworks i want more affection he is with himself. i try to stand solid, mimick his posture, like panther's nlp advice. as soon as they end he makes to leave soon, like now. if i want to pace, i should stay with my friends. we'll say good bye. he would love the company but needs to get in the car to go as soon as he gets there. im bad, i linger at that point. a choice again. there is hesitation in the choice. im famous for taking forever to decide things too. i see my self hesitating and stoppit. make the choice, i walk him back, tell friends i will meet them back at my building. a few live there.
as we leave, there are huge crowds. i tell him im good at busting through them but he has to keep a hold on my hand. he does and we dodge through people. i use my voice and energy making paths, leading him through quickly.
the walk back on track. its good when he talks more than i. he gets it all out i think. he talks more about the ex. where it started, how it started and how she slowly brought him away from what was important to him. i listen to all of this very attentively.
he is talking very fast. very excitable. "this is where i was in my life. at 23. top of the world. here and here and here and all of these things. and then she was there, everywhere. and i liked it. and then i say this and that and we move here. and then it became too much and i wanted to disengage and then she got pregnant. and i had this choice. i could be like my father, who was never there or i could take responsibility.. "
more:
"see basically im not impressed. im not impressed with these 14 years. im not impressed with my morals. im not impressed with my choices. and im trying to talk myself into the fact that the universe took me and is having all of this happen to put me in the right place, to put me back into what is important."
he talks a lot about freedom, how i have the freedom to go anywhere any time and still don't choose to, while he thinks everyday of all the things keeping him from doing this.
also that he doesn't know who he is anymore. yes you do i say and he says yes, i do but i don't know how to get there, where i need to be, and i say, its called sassy. he laughs at this.
we get close to my neighbor hood, he is turned around, i say this way he thinks that, i say ok, we will go that way and we do before he realizes where he is and heads back the right way. i am laughing the whole time..
so looking forward, court is tomorrow. this has made him a little jittery throughout the day. i don't dilly dally at the car, i get a lovely beautiful gorgeous kiss good bye, i say thank you, he stops and says no thank you so much for this, it was wonderful, and i leave him with two things, tasks. an email after the trial, if he has a moment, tell me what the result was. a little thing, not hard to do. he agrees.
and this thing about dinner, he is supposed to cook for me on thursday, it will probably be at his house. i tell him to call me on thursday. thats it. no commitment to do it, whatever, just call and let me know the deal. when i tapped on it earlier he says something about how he needs to get past ironing his shirt and picking out clothes for the trial, he is too focused on that to think beyond it... i don't press on this.
a part of me wonders if i should put off the dinner thursday evening. a part of me is exhausted at all this exposure. its again every other day like before. lots of information to process like before. just don't want things to end up like before. im out of town this weekend though and so after thursday nothing till next week. a thought. good bad idea?
but today, two days ago, i told him to call by noon so that i could set my plans up, and he did. he also called again about 20 minutes away. he has been behaving well. nothing he has said he would do has he flaked on.
there is a lot of information circling. im in deep analyzation of it all and somewhat immersed in this water. like up to my eyes. i need clarity of vision if i am going to keep the kernal turning. i think im doing ok, but i don't want to let anything slip too much or too long. writing this all out is also tremendous but i need to stay focused.
i need game plan for the weeks ahead, if there are to be weeks ahead. think seduction sassygirl.. resistance, circumstance psyche everything. i need to see perspective external from my own eyes.
posted by sheloves at 1:15 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home