the virtue of faith

this world breeds us to be dissillusioned and full of doubt.

at the slightest misbehavior, we punish those around us harshly. we take these things very personally. we are scared and this is the result of that fear.

tiger has been in crazy places. no one can argue this.

understand also that my silence and forgiveness has a far deeper impact on his conscience than a screaming woman would have. he is not stupid. he knows he is acting like a lunatic, often times.

for a man drowning, what a deep touch to have this undying flame you see? seduction is always about looking at what is before us, and responding to that need. i have done nothing more than this.

you are not the only one. many people want me to let go of him. there is great wisdom in letting go of him, of this, of all of it. of course there is.

but all i've got is this.
i believed, and now he is back. it was impossible. lost. gone. forever. but i still believed. and now he is back. i don't understand it other than to know that our mental states affect a lot more that is out of our spheres than we think. patience is key. nothing comes over night.

this is seduction, is it not?

it may blow up in my face at this point, and i know this. it would be nice for it not to. but i am surrendered to whatever comes at this point, because what i thought was gone has once again landed in my hands. i am expecting him to leave, i know no hyperventalating if he does. there is a moon in picses that needs space. but he couldn't shake me that time, and i think he would be complete shet to try again. i don't anticipate it, but i don't rule it out..

regardless, there is no loss of power in being there for another who is in need. it honestly feeds me to be this source of light. it is not unreturned. the adoration in him is appearant. changes, his appetite, his mood. broken, sad, on thursday, and incredibly revitalized by tuesday.

its not easy this one, and maybe thats why the comments are few. but i have always cursed my big heart. hated myself for extending, and placing myself out there, stamped hard on my vulnerability. i have spent time curled up in incapacitating fear at intimacy and closeness and sacrificing myself to a greater good, to another, etc etc.

i see that i took a different step this time. i decided to have faith. to act out of love. there was something i saw and wanted, for no other reason than the fact that it was right, a meant to be, something worth fighting for. i needed no reward. i would just stand steadily in that place, in my faith in him. believe and see what happened. and this! this happened. you see?

i decided i had fallen in love with him, and that love is more powerful than fear. or shet. or circumstance. and stubbornly stood there. i disregarded worthiness conversations, him for me, or me for him. i disregarded everything other than what i knew was important. this. him. me. seduction.

we are very quick to cut each other off in this world you know.

sometimes this is a good thing. but sometimes, by doing the opposite of what anyone else would do, you raise yourself to be something ethereal and superceding of those around you. competition becomes obsolete. and now more than ever, the way he looks at me, unbelieving. in awe.

i am everything he never had with this last woman. everything he has always wanted in any woman.

it is a brilliant thing.
seduction is not easy.
and here i set my sights on him.

i chose him. that one. mine.

and hear this:
i do not give up on ANYthing without a fight.

s