self growth...

i'm in the midst of a period of hard and heavy self development; trying actively to confront some inner demons... i need to learn how to shake the voices of my family and stand independently, strongly, solidly. i don't do this, and its become somewhat alarming to me to what extent i seem to avoid owning my power... power that i'm aware of but rarely seem to choose. what can i do, or how can i learn to be so consistent, and solid, and unshakable? i frequently feel lost and little, in trying to stand up as a big girl; there is a long list of mixed up inner feedback circling in my soul, and i can't seem to sort it out with any degree of grace. it is in fact a total hot air balloon of stomach turning chaos that i'm trying to tame and harness, over and over, with little to no success. i feel helpless and all the time want to give up and just accept this half developed reactive personality as who i am... but deeper than that, i know there is more to me than this, and would like to learn how to access it.