ice cream

tonight... i bought ice cream.
because when girls are sad, they're supposed to want ice cream.

a perfect lead up to a perfect date, with
quite possibly a perfect guy went sour.
date canceled due to attachment to an ex of a year ago?

my friend asks why don't i try choosing men that can handle me
or if i like being right that no one can,
just as i say cynically,
no one can fucking handle me.

i feel like this love chasing has a point, a nirvana
a realization that can be reached.
but fuck me in moments like this when
all i can see is the torture. the hopeless
impossibilities.
the once agains
the goddamnit alls
the shit im crazys
the does love really exist

all this study of seduction.
all this time and attention.
and im still as dumb as i was
to start with.

low. low. low. tired hurting eyes.
where are my guardian angels
my champions. my cheerleaders
i need them tonight.